Humanist

Honestly, before I wrote this post in response to today’s daily writing prompt, on a Sunday, to “describe a family member,” I first read what others have posted in response. I did not want to be the outlier who wrote my truth of the ugliness in a family member. I am sad, that I am not alone in needing to unburden. But I am glad that today’s prompt enables me to unburden and I hope it contributes to my healing.

I think that many times we get to know that a family member has a narcissistic personality disorder, but we sweep it under the carpet and don’t make it known to others; and which enables the narcissist and psychopath. I think my late dad sensed and knew my older half siblings to have those traits. I also think the spouses and children of my half-siblings knew, but chose to not overtly call them out.

To the extent I often faulted my in-laws for being the problem and yet, the spouses of my half siblings are the suffering victims. In retrospect, I think if my late dad and spouses of my half siblings had attempted to warn me about them, especially my half sister, I would not have believed them. Now that I think of it, my in-laws, as well as my dad, actually did try to indirectly warn me about my half sister. But of course, my half sister was really good at hiding her narcissism and psychopathy.

I now realize that what I thought was sibling closeness was her stalking me and using me to feed her monster within. Now that I think of it, there isn’t any of my other siblings that she did not speak of negatively to me. I am learning, it turns out, she did the same with all of us – bad mouthing the others, apparently, especially me to my siblings. I realize now that I am the object of her envy. She felt my dad loved me so and discriminated against her and the others in my favor. Long story for another day.

This woman, my half sister, hid her narcissism and psychopathy well and under the smoke screen of being a born-again Christian. In reality, she is egocentric, manipulative, selfish and without empathy. The mayhem she has unleashed on me and my siblings since my late dad died nearly four years ago, took me by absolute surprise. I was in shock when I finally appreciated her propensity for crime, ability to tell lies and to self-contradict with more lies.

At fast, I fed her monster within and I would let her see me in pain. Yes, before I realized her deep hate and envy of me, I let her in my world. Which, I now believe, only made her the more angry when she saw what I had and she coveted. She used to say things as though she was joking, but now I know she meant them. So, for example, she often said “kyoka muzei asosola (but the old man (respectful way of referring to elders) discriminates).”

I never thought much of it. She often said it after papa had praised me or gifted me something or treated me in a certain way. Now that I remember the incidences, I realize my half sister was starving for admiration; and when she did not get it, and I got it, it angered her immensely. So, her closeness to me was the psychopath marking her prey, researching, plotting and planning her revenge against a father she felt did not love her enough. And her revenge was to torture and punish those whom she knows her father loved.

I was in shock, for example, when post-papa’s death she opened a police case against me, purely based on lies. Using my late father’s money, she seemingly bribed justice and law order officers and got the file sanctioned. Yes, she has access to a lot of papa’s money, but for which when the time comes, she will be held to account. To show how good she is hiding her evil traits, I did not get to know at the time that it was her behind the incidence to have me arrested.

A pick-up full of police officers came to my home, banging the gate, demanding I open. I did not. At the time, at no time did I even suspect it was my half sister behind it. I thought it was my half brother whom my half sister had bad mouthed to me. She had severally told me how he was a criminal. To her credit, I have since confirmed him to be an equally dangerous criminal with narcissistic personality disorder and psychopathy, similar to my half sister. “It takes one to know one” seemingly holds true when it comes to my half siblings.

Anyway, now that I think of it, my late dad likely knew and he did his best to prepare me, however, in a clandestine indirect way. The point though is how well my half-sister hid her evil nature. Long story short, I was able to reach out to my network of the powerful, who stopped the arrest.

When the coast was clear, I went to the police and explained my side of the story. They referred me to the Office of Director of Public Prosecutions. I went, explained and the case file was recalled and a review requested. The review is still on-going

It is much later, over two years later, that I discovered that it was actually my half-sister who reported the case against me using 100 percent false allegations. I am confident that once the review is done, I will be cleared of all allegations she made against me. The truth will come out and it will set me free. And the police report will reveal, the criminality of my half sister.

I hope in sharing this post, I will contribute to enable the beginning of healing for another who is finding it hard to believe that a family member can be toxic. They can, as I have learnt the hard way.